Honestly, it can be really difficult trying to figure out if you’re truly compatible with someone. You need to know the questions to ask a potential partner because communication is everything. Maybe you’re convinced that the overused “When you know, you know” phrase really is accurate, but oftentimes, it’s more complicated than that. I mean, you can have great chemistry and love spending time with someone, but does this really mean that you’re genuinely meant to be together? Meaningful relationships aren’t just built on chemistry alone, but they’re also built on compatibility in values, communication, lifestyle, finance, and intimacy and to know, you have to ask questions. Then you have to spend time observing their actions to make sure their answers line up.

An easy way to figure out whether you’re compatible with someone or not can actually be by asking them questions — and trust me when I say that these questions are better asked early on to avoid painful surprises. And no, I don’t mean those meaningless “So…what’s your favorite color?” questions, but questions that can dive deeper into who someone truly is and the beliefs they carry with them. Because while chemistry is definitely important, clarity is even more powerful. 

Asking thoughtful questions early on is the key to emotional compatibility and long-term alignment. And trust me, these sort of questions don’t have to be intimidating — they can even be used as simple conversation starters or icebreakers. Trying to figure out if you and your potential partner are compatible? It doesn’t have to be a guessing game, just ask them these important questions first:

So, What Are The Questions To Ask A Partner?

Questions around values and lifestyle are important

A great way to figure out if you’re compatible with someone is to figure out their values and lifestyle. Why? Because our values drive how we live, spend, and prioritize. Before doing this, however, I’d first recommend figuring out how firm you are on your values and lifestyles before asking someone else about theirs. If you and your potential partner have opposite values and lifestyles, this sort of misalignment can lead to friction later down the line — so it’s important to determine your core values first.

Key questions to ask a new partner:

• What does a happy, balanced life look like to you?
• How do you usually spend your weekends or free time?
• How important is travel, routine, health, or alone time to you?

What are you intentions in this relationship?

Before getting into a relationship with someone, it’s crucial to figure out what exactly they want out of that relationship. It can honestly feel really confusing being with someone and not knowing their exact intentions. Sure, maybe they seem like they want something serious, but you’ll honestly never know until you ask. Questions to determine one’s relationship intentions are crucial to ask because understanding one’s emotional availability and timing helps you avoid mismatched expectations.

Key Questions to ask a partner about their intentions:

• What are you looking for in a relationship right now?
• How do you define commitment?
• Have you ever been in love before? What did you learn from it?

How do you handle conflict and communication?

Communication style can honestly make or break a relationship. From my experience as a matchmaker, I’ve found that it’s really difficult to make a relationship work if you and your potential partner have opposing communication styles. And things get even more complicated if you’re not on the same page and don’t talk about conflict or communication ahead of time. Whether you’re curious to know how your potential partner approaches conflict, or just want to know what their “love language” is, it can be really beneficial to ask some intentional questions when getting to know someone.

Key Questions to ask a partner:

• How do you usually handle conflict in a relationship?
• What makes you feel heard and respected during disagreements?
• How do you express love or affection?

Do you see a family and a future?

Seriously — is there a point in getting into a relationship with someone if they don’t want the same thing as you in terms of your future together? Whether you want a long or short-term relationship, these are questions you have to ask in order to determine your compatibility with someone. Maybe you want kids or maybe you don’t, but wouldn’t you rather find out now what your potential partner wants rather than further down the line? Big-picture alignment is absolutely crucial for emotional safety and decision-making. Don’t feel scared to ask your potential partner these questions, because honesty early on can save you from heartbreak later down the line.

Key Questions:

• What role does family play in your life?
• How do you envision your future 5-10 years from now?
• Do you want children or have strong feelings either way?

One of the best questions to ask a new partner is around financial compatibility

While I’d love to lie and say that you and your potential partner’s finances don’t matter, they do. Money single-handedly touches every part of your life: housing, family planning, lifestyle — the list goes on. It’s honestly crucial to have financial compatibility with someone because different financial approaches to life can create tension if they aren’t addressed earlier. Now, while I’m sure you’re dreading having this conversation, it’s not as scary as it seems! Here are a few simple questions to ease the stress off of you (and your bank account):

Key Questions:

• What’s your relationship with money — are you a saver or a spender?
• Do you believe in separate, joint, or hybrid finances in a relationship?
• How do you typically handle debt, budgeting, or large purchases?
• What are your long-term financial goals?

Sexual Compatibility Is So Very Important

Whether you’re waiting until marriage or are eager to get to the bedroom ASAP, it can be so beneficial to ask your potential partner some questions in order to determine your sexual compatibility. Sexual and physical compatibility are honestly crucial to a romantic connection, and open conversations can prevent unmet needs and miscommunication later on. Before getting serious, I’d definitely recommend asking your potential partner a few questions — just to determine your sexual compatibility now rather than being disappointed later on.

Key Questions:

• How important is sex to you in a relationship?
• What helps you feel safe, desired, and connected sexually?
• How do you feel about physical affection outside of sex?
• Are there any boundaries or preferences you think are important to talk about?

Even if you ask all the right questions, it can still seem impossible to know if someone is truly right for you. Dating can honestly feel exhausting sometimes — but that’s where I come in. If you decide to work with a matchmaker, I can make sure your values, goals, and lifestyles line up before you even go on a date. Matchmaking is honestly one of the most effective ways to determine your compatibility with someone — because who else knows more about connection than someone who studies it for a living?

Remember that these questions aren’t checklists, they’re simply doorways into deeper understanding. Some may be make-or-break for you, and others might not be — and that’s okay. 

You aren’t conducting an interrogation; you’re seeking connection and clarity. Be honest, curious, and open. Listen not just to the answers, but to the emotional tone behind them — how someone responds can say just as much as what they say. 

In the end, you’re not just trying to find the right person; you’re trying to build the right relationship.