Susan
November 22, 2015
HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, Dylan McDermott, Charles Durning, Robert Downey Jr., Holly Hunter, Cynthia Stevenson, Anne Bancroft, Geraldine Chaplin, 1995, (c) Paramount/courtesy Everett Collection
So, Thanksgiving can be rough on singles. Not only do you have to deal with wacky relatives and the family drama that ensues over Thanksgiving, but everyone is incessantly bothering you and asking you why are you still single? You are dreading this question like the plague, and it’s not really any of their business. You already feel like a failure and now they are asking in that tone that rubs it in and insinuates your last breakup was your fault. You have to be around the table with a bunch of dysfunctional family members that have had way too much to drink and you can’t leave until you at least help clear the plates from the table. So, what the hell do you say to such busy bodies anyway? Read on for a few zingers and pick your favorites. I guarantee they will take the hint soon enough and back off. Snap a photo of their priceless reaction and be sure to tweet it out to the rest of us. Rest assured that there isn’t a damn thing wrong with you and someone will come along soon enough. Happy Thanksgiving!
- For your aunt that never stops asking why a nice girl like you is still single: “I think your relationship with Uncle Joe is so bad it has traumatized me forever. I mean you are so unhappy all the time”!
- For your sister’s in-laws: “I can’t decide whether I like men or women, and I am still exploring my options.”
- For any other idiot that asks: “I do have a significant other. I am just so ashamed of all of you and didn’t want to bring anyone home to this mess.”
- For your grandma: “I have a boyfriend. I just didn’t want him to see me binge and purge. It’s too soon in our relationship.”
- Lastly, for all you single guys, when you are asked: “I really like underage girls, but it’s illegal to date them still!”