Susan
July 31, 2017
So, you are single and your friends tell you that you are great! You are beautiful, educated, and have a great job. What you don’t have is a partner to share it with, and you don’t why. As a matchmaker, I know why, and your friend’s really know why. If any of them dare be honest with you though, the toxic tirade that would be unleashed would be unbearable; the fallout from such a revelation would never be forgiven. What a price to pay for a dose of honesty that you desperately needed. That’s not with they signed up for when they became your friend. You talk to your shrink, but they only see you for 45 minutes a week and have no idea what you are like in the wild. The therapist only gets your one sided perspective and he /she is as baffled as you are about your dating dilemmas. Good news is there is hope. Maybe you will spot yourself in this mess. If not, ask a few friends to tell you anonymously what your problem is and I am sure it would be extremely revealing. Regardless, a little self awareness can go a long way. Trust me when I say, sometimes, you don’t need a matchmaker, but you do need a dating intervention!
6 Behaviors that need to change stat:
You never stop talking about your ex husband and how he did you wrong. Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t. Do yourself a favor and move on though. We all have friends like you. It’s sad. Some people never see their fault in the breakup or even their fault in how they handled the breakup. I do believe it doesn’t take two to make a marriage go bad. It only takes one that wants out for whatever reason. You might have been wronged. You have to move on no matter what happened. I had a lady whine and cry to me 5 years after the divorce when her ex bought a beach house for his girlfriend and her 5 children. She made no sense. She was such a victim. I wouldn’t match her. What man wants to hear that whining? Seriously, you need to get past it. Life goes on without you. Figure it out, get help, and find happiness. He wasn’t the last man on earth. This goes for the women, too, that can’t get over their ex-boyfriends. There is an expiration on how long you can whine and new men don’t want to hear it.
We talk to our friends and let them overanalyze, pick apart, criticize, sabotage and destroy any chance of a relationship with the new guy we just went on a date with last night. Sometimes, we didn’t even ask for their opinion. Your friends bring their own drama, their own hang-ups, relationships problems and then project them onto you. Only you know what is going on for sure. Don’t let them stand in the way of your happiness. They aren’t there every minute. Stop being so wishy- washy and trust your own feelings on the subject of the new guy. No wonder you are single of you don’t. Sorting through all your friends’ opinions and emotions becomes a part time job. You need to be able to make your own decisions, draw your own conclusions, and change your own destiny. That’s really empowering.
We think we are deserving of a certain type of man that has nothing to do with good qualities necessary in relationships. You might see yourself in this behavior, so you have been warned this is toxic behavior and now you know you are making this terrible mistake. I get sick of hearing “He has to look great on paper”. You are a career woman that is highly educated and you deserve the same you rationalize. Maybe you are some gorgeous model and you think that allows you to buy up in the world. I hear it all the time. You deserve to be treated well, cared for, loved, and have someone in the world want to commit to you, and lots of other things, but nowhere does it say he must be good on paper and make a certain amount of money to be happy and fall in love. Your finances and career need to look good on paper, but that’s it!
You pick him apart and compare him to all the other guys you dated. Maybe the guys you dated were even great relationships from your past, but where are they now? If that relationship was so great for you, you wouldn’t be single now, would you? I hear it all the time: My last boyfriend bought me blah blah blah for my birthday, he was so generous, and we traveled and got along so well. He really knew how to treat me. It might be so, but he didn’t want to make that commitment to you, so he is gone. Do you really want him to be the one that all others are compared to? I think you should knock off all the comparisons.
You are Daddy’s little princess and no one can compare to your father. Comparisons again. So, we all supposedly marry our fathers and mothers. Some would say, good or bad, that’s where our type comes from. You heard of the momma’s boy? Well you just might be daddy’s girl and everything he does, you compare to what daddy does for you. Daddy needs to butt out the same way his mother does, but you need to get over your daddy, too. Daddy didn’t really treat mommy like a princess and idolize her either. It’s all in your head. They had a real relationship with all the ups and downs that come with it. It seems to me Daddy’s little princess never sees it. Come to think of it, maybe you just act like a princess, too, and you need to get over it. As a matchmaker, women actually request men that will treat them like a princess and mean this in a toxic sense. It’s okay to be treated extremely well, but princess territory is getting delusional.
You are the demanding career woman in the romance department. You are your own worst enemy. You complain and bitch about everything under the son. Matchmakers see you coming and hide. No, our list isn’t really full. We know you when we answer the phone. You are so demanding and offended by our advice. We pick up and you demand to know our prices and tell us immediately what you need. I know what you need, and it isn’t a man. It’s an attitude adjustment. You need to learn to be kind, nice, and respectful of the people you come in contact with. Those behaviors work in the boardroom but not the bedroom. Men don’t want to date you. Most people want to run off immediately because everyone is looking for a little caring and a soothing place to kick off their shoes. Take it down a few notches.