
Maybe it’s someone you just met at a bar who you exchanged numbers with. Maybe it’s a friend you’ve known for years. Either way, asking someone out can be nerve-wracking for sure, no matter how self-assured you are. Wondering how to ask someone out on a date with confidence? The truth is, you don’t want to overthink it too much. The more you get in your head about the perfect time and place or words to use, the more insecure you’ll become — that’ll come across in your delivery, and insecurity is one of the biggest turn-offs. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be a nerve-wracking experience at all. And to ease your jitters, I’ve gathered up some foolproof tips and scripts for you to use next time you’re in this situation.
First of all, let’s clear up how not to ask someone out. While texting is undoubtedly one of the more popular forms of communication nowadays, especially in the beginning stages of dating and flirting with someone, I don’t recommend inviting them on a date via text. There will be exceptions to this rule in which it may come up naturally — maybe your love interest texts you to ask what you’re up to this weekend, and you happen to be free, so you ask if they want to do something. But if you’ve been trying to get up the courage to ask them on a date, do both of yourselves a favor and call them on the phone. First of all, this shows immense confidence (the sexiest thing in the world), and second of all, hardly anyone calls to ask someone out anymore so you’ll definitely stand out in the dating crowd. Not only that, but you can avoid all the typical misunderstandings that come with texting. You won’t have to wait around stressing over why they haven’t responded to your invitation — because you’ll hear their answer right away over the phone.
Asking someone out is a lost art, IMHO. Here’s how to master it.
Give yourself a pep talk.
If you go into the conversation with the attitude that they’re never going to say yes, it’s probably going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, try going into the interaction with the assumption that the other person is definitely into you. Sure, you may end up disappointed. But the advantage is that you’ll show off the best version of yourself: you’ll seem comfortable and secure with who you are, which makes the other person more likely to say “yes” to your invitation.
Find out what their interests are.
Doing a little research on your crush can go a long way. I’m not saying you have to stalk their social media profiles, but gather some details on what they like to do for fun after work or on weekends. That way, when you ask them out, you can come prepared with a specific activity idea that they’ll have a hard time saying “no” to. For example, if the object of your affection mentions that they’re a big hockey fan, then you have an instant date idea — you can ask them to go watch an upcoming game somewhere. If you find out your date is a wine aficionado, then you can do some digging to find out some great local wine bars and suggest one for your date. Putting this level of thoughtfulness into your date planning not only makes your invitation more attractive — it also shows them that you’re listening intently to what they tell you about themselves (which is super charming).
Ask for or offer help with something.
If you’re feeling really shy about asking someone out, and you haven’t really been able to build up a rapport with them, one way to play it safe is to either A) ask them for advice or help with something or B) offer to teach them something. For instance, if you’re working on upping your golf skills and you know they’re good at it, you can ask if they’d be down to play a round at a local course with you. Or, if you know they recently launched a new blog, you can offer to meet up and help them with some coding and such for their website. This way, you have an excuse to hang out but you also have a little more time to feel the situation out and see if the interest is mutual before making a bolder move. Just be aware that if you take this approach, you’ll need to accelerate things to a more traditional date setting (like dinner or drinks) for the next meet-up, otherwise you may accidentally end up in the friend zone.
Be specific.
It might be tempting to ask something vague like, “want to hang out sometime?” but that’s really not the way to go. It might feel more vulnerable, but the idea is to show you’re really interested in getting to know them by nailing down a plan and getting it in the books.
While it’s good to be straightforward (and perhaps have a plan in mind), it’s best not to ask them about a specific date. Instead, I suggest asking when they’re available. If you say, “What are you doing Thursday?” there’s a chance they’ll be busy, and you’ll be left asking, “OK, what about Friday? Saturday?” and so on. So, just find out when they have a free night coming up — and then offer up your invitation.
Get creative
If you’re looking for creative ways to ask someone out, there’s no shortage of fun ideas that are sure to get your crush’s attention. But remember: you really don’t need to go over the top to impress them, so you can skip writing a message in the sand or trying to squeeze a note into a fortune cookie. Either they like you, and they’ll be down to go out with you — or they don’t. A grand gesture won’t change that.
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