Susan
February 8, 2025
After a breakup, most people will need to embrace the single life and lick their wounds for a while before getting back out there. While there’s no exact formula for when it’s appropriate to start seeing new people again, that break from dating is oh so crucial to not only healing but also making sure that they can form healthy relationships in the future. When someone doesn’t take that time and jumps headfirst into another connection, that’s called a rebound relationship. So, can rebound relationships work? The short answer is yes — but those scenarios tend to be the exception to the rule.
The problem with rebound relationships is that they’re often not mutually fulfilling, and the person who’s the rebound can end up feeling hurt in the end when they realize they’re simply serving as a replacement for the ex.
Suspect you’re in a rebound situation? Whether you want to know the true definition of a rebound relationship, signs of a rebound relationship, or the truth about if these bonds can ever work, I’m covering it all.
In the game of basketball, a rebound is awarded to a player who retrieves the ball after another one misses. In the realm of dating, a rebound relationship happens when someone starts dating someone new without really getting over their ex. In other words, to merge the metaphor, the ex is the missed basket, and you’re the rebound shot.
What is a rebound relationship?
After someone gets used to having a partner, it can be extremely difficult to transition into the single life. They may be accustomed to having someone they can be physically intimate with, share their day with, or travel with. In order to avoid loneliness and vulnerability, they may simply look for someone new to “stand in” for their ex and supply the same satisfaction and fulfillment. Unfortunately, if they haven’t allowed themselves adequate time to mourn their breakup, they can’t really move on from it. They still have one foot in their last relationship, and that leaves the next person they date is definitely in rebound territory. Basically, they’re merely a distraction from the painful feelings that come with a split.
Why do rebound relationships happen?
You know their last relationship literally just ended.
Signs you’re in a rebound relationship:
If for whatever reason, you know for a fact that they just got out of a relationship — proceed with caution. That’s not to say you should immediately write them off. However, if they were in a long-term committed relationship (a year or longer) and it’s only been a few weeks since their breakup, then there’s a good chance they haven’t had a chance to lick their wounds. This is especially true if they were living with their previous partner, engaged, or blindsided by the breakup.
They can’t stop talking about their ex.
It doesn’t matter whether they’re talking about them in a positive or negative way — if it seems like they can’t stop bringing up their ex in everyday conversation, that can be a major red flag. What that tells you is that their ex is still on their mind a lot, which points to the possibility that they’re still hung up on them.
Things are moving way too quickly.
You might expect that someone fresh off a breakup would move at a glacial pace in terms of commitment — and that can definitely be true. However, if your new romance seems to be moving at warp speed (they said “ILY” after just a couple of weeks, they immediately start spending every weekend at your place, etc.) then that can suggest you might be a rebound. Here’s why: they’re so eager to replace that feeling of closeness they had in their previous relationship, that they’re skipping over important steps to getting to know you first. They probably still haven’t come to terms with the fact that their last relationship ended, so in order to dodge the pain that comes with that, they’ve dropped you right into the midst of their old routine.
They can’t stop showing you off.
It’s nice to feel like your partner is proud to be dating you, but if it seems like they’re constantly parading you around like a trophy from the very beginning, that might suggest that they’re in this relationship for the wrong reasons. For example, if they’re posting tons of pics with you on social media right off the bat, that could be because they’re trying to flex and make their ex jealous. Or, they’re trying to convince themselves that they’ve happily moved on because deep down, they know they haven’t.
There’s no emotional connection whatsoever.
Do your conversations never go beyond surface-level topics? Well, there’s a chance that your new partner is keeping you at arm’s length on purpose — either they’re just emotionally unavailable right now (because they’re still emotionally stuck in their last relationship) or they’re not going to bother going too deep because they don’t intend for this rebound to go anywhere. It sounds harsh, but if you know for a fact that they just got out of something, that may be the case.
Or, does the relationship mainly revolve around sex? When someone actively avoids any kind of emotional connection, it’s usually because they’re simply trying to avoid their feelings by keeping things strictly physical. Basically, they’re using you for sex, because it’s a great distraction from the hurt and heartbreak of their breakup.
Can a rebound relationship work?
Rebound relationships obviously get a bad rap. And it makes sense when you consider that it’s hard to form a happy, healthy bond with someone if they’re emotionally unstable, and they haven’t been able to reflect on and learn from their previous experience.
All that said, there are some unique situations in which a rebound can turn into a long-term relationship. Typically, that only happens if the person’s previous relationship was shorter term, if they split amicably (it was mutual), and they had less emotional trauma overall from the breakup.
If you’ve noticed any of the aforementioned signs, it’s time to get honest with yourself. Think about what you need from a relationship, and if your new partner isn’t checking those boxes, then it’s time to have an open discussion with them. Let them know what your concerns are. And remember: just because they can’t meet those needs right now doesn’t mean they won’t ever be able to. If you feel a deep connection and share a lot of things in common, there’s still a chance that you might eventually make a great pair — but if and only if they have the opportunity to fully heal first. Who knows? Maybe after you take some time apart, you two will finally have a real shot at scoring down the line. As the old saying goes: “if you love something, set it free — if it comes back, it’s yours, and if it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be.”’
Do you need help navigating a breakup or figuring out if you are just a rebound? Our matchmaker, Susan Trombetti, can always provide more insight. Are you recovering from a breakup and trying to figure out a healthy way to get back into the dating world? Just fill out the form to the right to start the process.