Working With A Matchmaker Can Upgrade Your Love Life — Here’s How

Nearly half of U.S. adults — and a majority of women — say dating has become harder in the last 10 years, according to a 2019 poll by Pew Research. And of those who are on the market, most admit they’re dissatisfied with their dating lives because they just can’t find people to go out with. The truth is, there are plenty of other smart, successful, attractive people out there looking for love — most singles just going about searching for them in the wrong way. A matchmaker can weed out all the flakes, the phonies, and those who just aren’t a good fit for you. Can your apps do that? Didn’t think so. There’s a good reason why many high-powered CEOs, executives, and celebrities use a professional matchmaker to find love: they don’t have the time or energy to waste on dead-end dates. If that sounds like you, then working with a matchmaker may be just the change you need to upgrade your love life.

Today, one of the most prominent ways to find people is by swiping through thousands of faces on your smartphone. Let’s just say your odds of finding a real, lasting connection that way are slim. These platforms are teeming with ghosters, catfishers, breadcrumbers, and commitment-phobes. Not only that, but how are you supposed to tell if you’re actually compatible with anyone that way? By the time you do meet face to face and determine you’re not a good fit, you’ve already wasted countless hours messaging back and forth. It’s no wonder that Americans who have used a dating app over the past year say their recent experience left them feeling more frustrated (45%) than hopeful (28%), according to Pew Research.

2020 research from the Kinsey Institute suggests that while everyone is lonelier now since the pandemic started, single people are the loneliest. That’s no surprise. There are many potential barriers to finding “The One” — you may lack confidence, have a “bad picker,” or struggle to find people at the caliber you desire. Fortunately, a professional matchmaker can help you overcome all of those hurdles. Here’s everything you need to know about working with a matchmaker.

What is a matchmaker?

The earliest matchmaking agencies can be traced all the way back to the 1600s in Britain when parishioners sought out spouses from the same social class. While this tradition has evolved significantly over the years, this much is still true: it’s a business. You wouldn’t let just anyone do your taxes, operate on your heart, or invest your money, would you? The same goes for your personal life. If you’re going to put it in someone else’s hands, you better make sure they’re a vetted professional matchmaker with the right training and credentials.

Historically speaking, matchmakers in many cultures were responsible for arranging marriages. Nowadays, a modern-day matchmaker is more likely to arrange dates. Services can range depending on the particular agency, but as a general rule, a matchmaker vets singles and coordinates dates between them. My team goes above and beyond by coaching clients throughout the dating process to increase the odds that they strike up a love connection. But not all professionals in my industry do this — and not all matchmakers are created equal (more on that later).

Who’s a good candidate for matchmaking?

Basically, anyone can benefit from the help of a matchmaker — but here are a few examples of particularly fitting candidates:

• Busy professionals with limited time to meet people
• Daters who want to avoid being catfished or otherwise deceived
• Men who keep ending up in the friend zone (and don’t know why)
• Celebrities who can’t make a move without the paparazzi knowing about it
• Well-known people who require anonymity in their dating lives
• Divorced people who are timid about getting back out there
• Anyone who’s having trouble finding quality singles who meet their standards
• Anyone who’s sick and tired of dating apps

As you can see, there’s a wide range of circumstances in which a matchmaker can help — and those are just a few examples. Can’t seem to land a second date? Need help overcoming certain insecurities in dating? Not sure why you keep ending up with the same toxic partner over and over? I can help you figure all of those things out, too.

What can a matchmaker do for me?

Perhaps you already have a lot going for you — a successful career and impressive professional accomplishments, a beautiful home you own, or a phenomenal sense of humor. Maybe you have a certain sophistication and worldliness that only comes with global travel, or put a lot of time and effort into staying in shape (and it shows). Regardless, the issue is likely that you just aren’t meeting enough people to be able to pick and choose who’s a good fit for you and your lifestyle.

Pew Research found that 36% of women who’ve used a dating site or app have found it very or somewhat difficult to find people they were physically attracted to, and 39% say it’s been tough to find someone they’d even want to meet in person. Meanwhile, 41% of guys who’ve tried dating apps say it’s been difficult to find people who shared their hobbies and interests. That’s where a matchmaker comes in: my business has a higher volume of individuals to pair you with, and best of all, they’ve already been hand-picked through by me (so you don’t have to deal with any duds). Recruiting viable singles is an intricate task with many moving parts, and I have built a diverse network of clients in many different ways.

On the flip side, perhaps you don’t know you’re a catch. Either you struggle with your self-esteem, or you just haven’t been able to hone in on your strengths to be the best version of yourself on dates. A 2020 study revealed that a vast majority of people believe they’re single because they just don’t have good flirting skills — for example, they’re introverted, lack self-assuredness, or are unable to pick up on signals of interest. Interestingly, researchers theorized that this is because marriages were arranged up until just a few generations ago, and so now people don’t know how to attract a mate. Again, a professional matchmaker like myself can help you to build better habits and more confidence so you can attract the kind of person you want. You’ll even get feedback in real-time after your dates so that you continually have an opportunity to improve.

Lastly, some people with high-profile or busy jobs just don’t have enough time to go on dates that aren’t going to lead anywhere. Working with a matchmaker allows you to cut through the noise, and only focus your attention and your valuable time and energy on people you may actually feel a connection with. You know — people who have similar values, priorities, and interests, and who want the same things out of life.

Here are some other matchmaking services I provide:

• Wardrobe consultations
• Helping you identify destructive dating patterns that are sabotaging your love life
• One-on-on date coaching
• Making introductions
• Teaching you to overcome shyness or dating anxiety
• Supporting you in getting back out there after a divorce
• Acting as a middle-man between you and your date to smooth over any potential snags (so you can just focus on the fun part)
• Helping you to finally get out of the friend zone

Can I afford a matchmaker?

If there’s one thing I can guarantee you in working with me it’s this: transparency. I will always be upfront with you about what you can expect, and that starts now: matchmaking services are an investment. So, you’ll obviously be paying a decent amount more than you’d pay for say, your typical dating app. Why? For one, this is a personalized service. Unlike with dating apps, you have a real live human dedicated to finding you love, and that’s something no algorithm can possibly rival. Because sometimes it’s those undefinable qualities that make two people a phenomenal match — and I pride myself on finding out what those are.

Naturally, the cost of the services will depend on your needs. Additionally, if you work exclusively with me, as many VIPs do (think: celebrities, pro athletes, and CEOs), you will be paying a higher price than working with someone else on the team at Exclusive Matchmaking.  Since we need to take so many different factors into account to determine the cost of your services, we don’t provide a concrete quote until after a consultation.

Matchmaking is a luxury service, and I treat it as such. That means that if I sense you’re just comparing prices to hunt for a bargain, I’ll know we’re not a good fit. It’s nothing personal — it’s just that I prefer working with someone who’s willing to make an investment into dating. It’s a two-way street. By investing in me, I have the faith to invest my time back into your love life. Even if you can’t afford to work with me specifically, I will still always try to find a seasoned matchmaker who can help according to your budget. But keep in mind that we prioritize paying clients, no matter what services they’re taking advantage of.

As with any industry, there are matchmakers that exist at all price points. But as the saying goes — you truly do get what you pay for. When you invest in a well-made car, you’re getting the assurance that it will last you much longer than a cheaper version from a less reputable brand. The same is true when it comes to finding a good matchmaker. Paying a premium price means you’ll have access to higher-quality singles, and more hands-on services and attention.

What happens in a matchmaking consultation?

The first step in working with me or my team is to schedule a consultation. These sessions typically last 60-90 minutes and are designed for me to get to know you, your relationship history, and your dating goals. Of course, it’s also an opportunity for you to get to know me (or whichever matchmaker you’ll be working with) and get a sense of how I work. Before we do the consultation, though, you’ll fill out the form on my website to apply to be a client. This form provides some basic information so that I can maximize our time together on the call. The initial consultation will happen over Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime, no matter where you live. A meeting allows me to get a better sense of your personality (and vice versa) — you’d be surprised at how much I can infer just from body language, facial expressions, how you dress, and your environment alone.

Learning about your previous relationships can tell me a lot about you — and that’s valuable information when it comes to matching. I’ll want to dig into who broke your heart, why you walked away from a particular partner, and what dealbreakers have come up in the past. In discussing your history, I’ll be looking for patterns that help me to pinpoint why you’re still single, what you need to work on in order to find romantic happiness, and most importantly, how I can help you to overcome what’s holding you back from that.

That’s not to say that it’s your fault you’re single. Maybe you’ve just had to be so laser-focused on your career that your relationships have been forced to fall by the wayside. Or, maybe you just happen to be living in an area that’s filled with families and void of other singles, making it difficult for you to meet anyone. Regardless, it’s my job to zero in on what’s been getting in the way of your dating life, and furthermore, how to move past it.

In addition to discussing some of the more significant relationships you’ve been in, we’ll also dig into your overall dating experiences. What comes easy to you? What challenges have you faced? For instance, maybe you’re an excellent communicator in relationships — but you’re introverted, and have trouble putting yourself out there with new people. Or, maybe you’re charismatic and social so you meet people easily, but you have a hard time fostering intimacy that isn’t physical and connecting on a deeper level. Whatever your strengths and weaknesses are, we’ll analyze them together. That way, I have a stronger grasp on what services you’ll benefit from most, and how I can tailor the matchmaking experience to your specific needs.

Another important component of the consultation process is exploring what you’re looking for in a partner. Keep in mind: this does not entail you listing off a laundry list of unrealistic demands. Instead, it’s about zeroing in on what’s really important to you — say, someone who’s physically active and ambitious, or who has a similar sense of humor and a willingness to travel. I only want to work with you if I feel your expectations are realistic and attainable, and you’re truly open to the process of meeting other people that may not fit the exact mold of your previous partners. Because newsflash: sometimes the only way out of a romantic rut is to try dating someone new and different from what you’re used to. And my team can help you separate your needs from your wants, which is super important in dating.

What the matchmaking process entails

A lot of prospective clients mistakenly assume that they need a matchmaker who’s local. The truth is, I service clients in cities all over the country and internationally. What’s important is not how far you live from me, but rather, how many singles I have that live near you. Fortunately, as a high-profile matchmaker, I have amassed a very large database. Remember: just because a matchmaker’s office happens to be local to you doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good fit for you. What you need is a large pool of singles to choose from, and that’s something I can provide.

I interview and conduct background checks on every single potential client. From there, who you work with will depend on multiple factors. Generally, VIP clients work with me, while young professionals work with my other trained matchmakers. Whoever you do end up working with, rest assured that we’re always looking out for your best interests. That means sussing out any potential problem areas — we’ll never send you on a date with a workaholic, commitment-phobe, or someone who has divorce drama, financial problems, or feelings for an ex. That’s my guarantee. We will only ever match you with like-minded people who we truly believe are looking for the same kind of relationship.

Naturally, we want to make sure you put your best foot forward from the very beginning. So, that means we’ll likely make particular suggestions for how you might present yourself in the best possible light. That may mean encouraging you to get a different haircut or update your wardrobe. The idea is not to be someone else — we still want you to feel like you in the most authentic sense. But sometimes an unbiased professional — like a matchmaker — can see areas for improvement you might not be aware of. Trust us: we work with countless singles, so we know what people are looking for (and how to make sure you’re it).

Once your matchmaker has found someone they think you’d hit it off with, they’ll help you set up a few dates to see if there’s any potential. It can take more than one date for chemistry to develop, which is why I always encourage clients to go out with someone more than once before making up their mind. Sure, first impressions are important — but they’re not everything. Plus, stress, nerves, anxiety, and so many other elements are often at play on a first date, so it’s good to give your date the benefit of the doubt and see how your dynamic adjusts on a second or third meet-up. After your first date, your matchmaker will gather feedback from both of you. This is a key component of the process, because it enables us to identify what you may still need to work on, as well as coach you on how to proceed.

Not all matches will turn into a relationship. After all, human connection is complicated, and even if you’re attracted to someone or have lots in common with them, there are a multitude of reasons why you may decide not to pursue it. Luckily, we’re continually refining the matchmaking process the more we get to know you, and we will continue tweaking our decisions on who to pair you up with based on what we learn.

You’ll likely find that you still need support and guidance beyond being matched with someone. And don’t worry — your matchmaker won’t abandon you as soon as you start going on multiple dates. We can advise you on when it’s appropriate to become exclusive, identify signs that someone else is ready to commit, and navigate any transitions and milestones you may experience along this exciting journey.

Are all matchmakers equal? Are all matchmaking services the same?

I need to offer a word of warning: a lot of people enter the matchmaking industry because they love the idea of love. But just because they’re a hopeless romantic doesn’t mean they can actually help you. When I got into this business, I already had years of experience as a relationship investigator — skills that I still apply to ensure all of my clients are going on dates with genuine people with good intentions. Anyone can pass a basic background check, especially with a fake name — but even if they haven’t committed a major crime, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a genuine person. My services include investigating your date to find out who they really are so you always know what you’re getting into.

At Exclusive Matchmaking, I pride myself on providing hyper-personalized service, quality matches, and safety. Not only do we thoroughly screen all potential dates to weed out the bad actors, but we listen to your priorities and concerns, engage in one-on-one sessions with you to help you overcome any dating obstacles, and put a lot of thought and care into finding dates who align with your preferences. This starts with an in-depth assessment of your lifestyle, your family values, your communication style, and many other facets of your personality and priorities in order to find the best possible matches for you.

How does Exclusive Matchmaking differ from other companies?

On a basic level, matchmakers are all in the industry of helping you to find love. It’s the way in which I go about that which sets my company apart.

For instance, no other matchmakers have the background in investigation that I have. In other words, I’m a pro at detecting con artists and frauds — the kind that tend to flock to dating apps — so you don’t ever have to go on dates with them. But that’s not all. I’m also a matchmaker to the stars, trusted by the rich and famous to help find them high-quality singles while also maintaining the utmost discretion.

According to Match.com, only about 19% of people who meet someone online actually go out on a date — and isn’t that the whole point? I promise you that 100% of my matchmaking clients go on dates. And this isn’t your typical set-up where you’re left out to dry, either. Our knowledgeable, experienced matchmakers will first take the time to find out what your needs, wants, dealbreakers, and must-haves are, ensure that your dates are who they say they are, and hold your hand every step of the way — even after the date is over when you need to unpack and assess how it went. Just remember that I can help you tell the difference between a need a want, and that’s the secret.

 

Is it like I saw on Millionaire Matchmaker?

 

Many people who haven’t actually worked with a professional matchmaker wonder if the experience will be similar to what they saw on Millionaire Matchmaker. But there are a number of very key differences between how Patti Stanger and I do things. For one, we don’t do cattle calls to amass a herd of dating prospects for clients, and then rudely criticize every aspect of  their appearance. It’s just not our style. Plus, that’s a television show and they do that to get more viewers.

People come to us looking for love, and the rest, we find through trusted referrals, exclusive events, etc. It’s well known that producers for the series would scour bars, auditions, and other venues to find eager singles. The result? Many of them weren’t really looking for love — they were just looking for their 15 minutes of fame. You can rest assured that anyone in our network has been vetted in every respect, and is serious about finding love.

Here are a few more differences that set Exclusive Matchmaking apart from Millionaire Matchmaker:

• We work with both single women and men.
• We are more empathetic to your desires, needs, insecurities, and dating history
• We have a higher success rate in forging life-long relationships.
• Our matchmakers are trained and experienced pros (Stanger’s partners in matchmaking, Dustin Pfaff and Rachel Federoff, were mere actors).
• We don’t just do a background check to make sure your dates aren’t criminals — Susan’s expertise can reveal if someone is already married, a scammer, a catfisher, or otherwise disingenuous.
• Unlike on Millionaire Matchmaker, we will never set you up with criminals, creeps, predators, or players (even accidentally).

I probably don’t have to tell you it’s rough out there — you’ve been on enough disappointing dates and had enough meaningless app convos to know. But the good news is, you don’t have to go it alone. My team is waiting and eager to learn about your goals and dreams, whether that’s finding someone educated and adventurous to travel the world with or someone fit and philanthropic to settle down and start a family with.

Remember: you are in the driver’s seat of your own love life. So, what’ll it be? Are you going to keep passively swiping and hoping you magically strike gold, or are you ready to accept some help in becoming more dateable, and meeting those elite singles that meet your expectations? If it’s the latter, congratulations: you’re one step closer to finding “The One.” Now all you have to do is fill out our confidential profile to become a client or be considered as a match for our database.